An Open Letter to Whoever Cares to Read It

To whom it may concern,
I just want to let you know, before going any further, that I am a Christian. I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember, and will most likely continue to be so for a long, long time.

When I was younger, I would definitely have called myself a conservative. I had no reason to be otherwise. But as I have grown up, and found myself increasingly in situations where platitudes and pat statements didn't sit as well with me, I have had to reassess my position, not because I doubt the words of the Bible, but because I am trying even more to understand them and wrestle with them. Bear in mind that first-century Jewish rabbis would spend hours debating the Law and the Prophets, and they spoke Hebrew! If there were such ambiguities for them, who devoted their entire lives to nothing but the study of Scripture, in their own and original written language, then perhaps there may be one or two (or more) areas of ambiguity in our English translation(s) today.

Over the past years of my life, I must admit, I have seen a lot more than perhaps I would have chosen to in my younger years. Seen things I ought not, done things I ought not, experienced things I ought not. There is no need to go into great detail here, suffice to say I have sinned, as we all have, and I can readily admit that. But I also readily accept that God in Christ has forgiven me at the cross, at the same place and time as He forgave the sins of the whole world. The whole world, which includes a few people you might not agree with, or choose to associate with. As we read in Romans 14, it is not our place to judge the lives of others, that task rests solely with God. We cannot know by simply looking at a person where their heart lies, or where their allegiance lies.

The older I get, the more I realise too that the church is not perfect. I know you think it's just fine, but perhaps you've never seen or experienced anything negative in a church, I don't know, that's your experience not mine. As I said, it's not my place to judge where anyone else is at spiritually. Having now been turned away from eight different churches in six years, I have had to come to the realisation that sometimes, the church misunderstands concepts like forgiveness, grace, acceptance, etc. Why has this happened to me? It's not important. Has it only happened to me? Not by a long shot. I used to think the churches I tried were the exception to the rule, but by the eighth one, and after speaking with (many) others to whom similar things have happened, I had to concede otherwise.

During this time, I have done a lot of searching, and a lot of reading. I know you mean well when you suggest I simply "read my Bible more". And I have. Cover to cover. Over and over. Poring over each word, sentence, paragraph, chapter, book, and so on. I have had to do this, to try and understand it better. To try and find solace in its pages when the church provided none. I've read essays and articles on both sides of the proverbial "fence", to give myself a balanced view. I don't just read the articles that support my point-of-view (you're confusing me with you on that one). But at the end of the day, I don't put too much stock in the ones that make weak, pithy arguments. Those kind of views don't help me any more. And that's where I'm at. I've had to come to this point because of where my life and my experiences with the church have taken me.

I had hoped there would be times that we could also share in the positive things than happen in our lives. You know, to share a time of happiness and congratulations for my recent job offer that has come after months and months of waiting and prayer. You know, the way I have shared your happiness. But it seems that increasingly, you only wish to share negatives. You know, when I think something you don't think, or when in fact anyone else has an opinion that differs to yours. It's really not that helpful in the end. I have come to the point I am at, as I have already said, because I have had to. I can't accept things just because someone tells me on one hand it is so, while on the other hand, no other part of their life reflects that ie. that they forgive me as God has, when I know (by their actions) that this is not the case.

Anyway, I've probably said enough. I just wanted to make my point of view clear, and explain that just because I don't agree with you on every single (irrelevant) point, it doesn't mean I'm not a Christian, nor does it mean I've thrown the Bible out the window. I believe that we are sinful in nature, and that God (in Christ) came to earth to redeem us to himself. I believe what it is necessary to believe: that Jesus is the Christ, and that by believing, I may have life in his name.